There are some people who believe that the opposite of love is hate. I used to believe this, too. I used to believe that thinking about someone, hating them, and wishing they would change somehow, is just desserts for being somehow, awful. My anger then, was an inability to accept the other person as they truly are. My hate was an obsession, and obsession is just another fancy term for addiction. Hate is an addiction.
I have had people tell me to my face that they hate me. I know what that feels like, but looking back, I now see that I once lacked the skills to tolerate the idea that someone hated me. As an older, more mature adult, I now know that in their hatred, those other people wanted me to change somehow. Which meant that in some small part, they found something to like about me just enough, to want me to change.
There is something else about hate that says it is not the opposite of love: if you’re still thinking about me, you probably love me, too. In other words, if I hate someone, I’m still thinking about them, wishing they would be like I want them to be.
The difference between hate and love then, is that in love, I do everything in my power to allow you to grow to the greatest extent, while doing no harm. I teach and demonstrate for you the skills I think you need to be a better person. I teach you the…
