If The Only Tool You Have Is A Hammer, Then Every Problem Begins to Look Like A Nail

The narrow and shorted sighted vision of behavior modification briefly explained.

“You can’t change people.” That’s what my mom told me during more than a few very difficult periods of my life. Throughout my life, I’d run into people who wouldn’t do what I wanted them to do. I’d ask them to do something and they would not do it. I’d ask them to not do something and immediately, they’d do it.

I also found that when I suffered, I wanted others to suffer. I did not want others to have fun while I was suffering. I wanted to join in the fun but didn’t know how to invite myself in. I was a grumpy cat.

As a boy in school, I was teased relentlessly by some of my classmates. In response, my dad taught me to fight my adversaries rather than to make more friends. I didn’t know any better, and as far as I can tell, neither did my father, as he was the one who taught me to hit, to fight. If he knew how to make friends, I am sure he would have taught me how to make friends.

Unfortunately, friends don’t come with manuals, so I didn’t do so well learning on my own. And I had no other mentors in school to help me. I didn’t even know what a mentor was. I didn’t know I could ask for one.

I was also raised in a world of punishment and reward. A world where people more powerful than I would say, “Do what I say and I will reward you…