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I Think the Supreme Court Is Trying to Convert Me to Christianity

Me, and just about everybody else in America.

5 min readJun 28, 2022


I’ve had this feeling for a long time. I wasn’t sure what it was.

But then the Dobbs decision came down. I’ve already read the draft opinion and found that only a few minor changes were made before they published the opinion. My expectations were already low.

They say they want to unite the country. It’s not working. As I look across the news, our courts are lit with the fire of motion practice.

But that feeling…

Then there was that football coach case. He bends the knee to take a moment of silence to pray in front of his team, his family, his school, and the students from the other school. Yeah, the Court says that making a spectacle of yourself by praying on the 50-yard line after each high school football game, as a public employee on a public school football field, is not a violation of the 1st Amendment. I’m not convinced.

I cringe every time I see his picture. He’s got camera presence. He knows what he’s doing. I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to convert me.

I remember when I was a kid. I had babysitters that were trying to convert me. I think there were three kids from a dysfunctional Christian family that somehow managed to get hired by my parents as babysitters. They wanted to convert me.

They were nice. They took us to their church. I sat there, bored, in the pews. I dozed off until I heard the story of how little Jimmy had donated his life savings of $52 to the church. And I woke up. Joel Osteen would have been proud of them, not me.

I remember how my babysitters told us that God knows everything. He knew what I was doing. He knew what I was thinking. I was 11 years old and I just knew that he knew when I was looking at the girls in the bikinis at the beach. He knew when I touched myself. He wanted to convert me, too. They told me all I had to do was let Jesus into my heart.

I see that happening now, in this country, at the Supreme Court level. All over, for everyone. If we could all just let Jesus into our hearts, the Supreme Court would stop its assault on our freedoms. For real.